Jeff and I just returned from this conference in Dallas, TX and I have a million things running through my heart and mind. God is doing amazing things right now and I sit in awe of Him who always leads us back to Him.
The theme of the conference was becoming a 'Trader'. Trading in the pursuit of the American Dream for a world that desperately needs Jesus. I love that theme and feel like our family has already begun the process of becoming traders.
However, I had been having the biggest pity party the past month or so. Life had thrown us a curve ball that we had NOT expected and truthfully I did not want to undertake.
In God's perfect timing, He used this conference to remind me AGAIN that this life is NOT about me or what I want. Jesus told us in Luke 17:33 that "whoever tries to keep his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it." I have read and meditated on this verse many times, but sometimes I still want to be in control of the areas of my life that I am willing to lose . . . .I definitely do not want to lose my life in ALL areas. I can easily give up things in certain areas of my life such as personal possessions for the kingdom. . . .no problem. But my family life and the plans we had as a family?!? Wait a minute God, this is a super sensitive area for me!!!! God, take all the money you want from us, but please do not mess with the dynamics of our family!!
I should have known something like this would happen. I had created an idol in my heart. My idol was my family life and the plans we had together as a family. "Our plans" had become too important to me. James 4:13-17 tells us we should not boast about our plans for tomorrow. Instead, we ought to say, "if it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." It ends in verse 17 saying "Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins." This whole passage fit perfectly with what I was going through. I know what we 'ought' to do, but everything in my flesh is screaming "NO, I DON'T WANT TO!"
The area of the conference that I needed the most was the underlying theme that most of the speakers touched on which was "dying". Tim Ross from the Potter's House did a phenomenol job in leading us through what it means to DIE. We have all read the verses:
Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship." Romans 12:1
"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." Mark 8:34
Both of these verses are about death- - -our death. It is not a physical death, but we have to die in order that Christ may live through us. If we continue to try to hold on to 'our life', we will LOSE it. We hear it and have heard it over and over again, but what exactly does it mean to 'die to ourselves'? Tim Ross would say we first have to make the decision to die and truly mean it. We have to decide every day when we rise NOT MY WILL, but YOURS be done. We have to stop trying to build ourselves a perfect, controlled and comfortable life here on this earth. That is not our mission as Christ followers. Christ never did that while He was here and we are called to 'follow Him'. Our mission as Christians is to bring the good news to a hurting and lost world and ANYTHING that holds us back from fulfilling that mission is NOT a part of God's plan for our lives.
"What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ." Phil 3:8
Francis Chan said that somewhere along the way from childhood to adulthood, we have forgotten how to play the game Follow the Leader. If the leader hops on one foot, then all those following the leader will hop on one foot. Now, as adults, we have changed the rules and we don't have to do what Jesus did, we only have to feel it in our hearts. We say, "I am hopping on one foot in my heart, but I don't actually want to get off my comfortable couch to actually hop on one foot."
So, I can say in my heart that I believe that the religion that God accepts as pure and faultless is to care for the widows and orphans (James 1:27), but when the Lord has commanded me to do it, and He has given us the opportunity to prove our faith through action, will we obey and do it??? (James 2:14-26)
I am still being seriously challenged as 'our plans' have been interrupted and we are unaware of what God has planned instead. I am not victorious in my emotions or complete in my death to a selfish & sinful nature, but I am constantly aware and seeking hard after Him who will fulfill His promise to work this out for His good and His glory. I only have to make the decision to follow, to obey, and to die. The rest is left to Him.
"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." Luke 22:42
